I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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