so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
