I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
