I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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