Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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