somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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