when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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