nut hugger
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
be right there i have to get my cape
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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