he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize