Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
