Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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