never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
