There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
