I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
