Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
