thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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