If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
