this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
