party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
