someone owes me an orgasm
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Why is your signature on my underwear?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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