I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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