OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
