I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize