walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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