Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
