today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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