either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
