and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
