I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
40s are totally the cure
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
