So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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