i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
