Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
