sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
