Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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