How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
