I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
