my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
