She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
