Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize