dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Green mimosas i think yes
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Randomize