one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
