WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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