so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
