No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
