If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
