shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
