the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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