I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Randomize