Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
"it" just moved
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
