My hand turned me down
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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