why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
