About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
