So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
