And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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