i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
