I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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