Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
