There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
