You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
