i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
soo... how was my night?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize