Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
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