yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
