Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
