in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
