How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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