I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Everclear isn't food dammit
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
