the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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