Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Holy sore nipples Batman
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
