Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
