Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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