I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
