Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
