Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
