I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
