I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i love accidental penises.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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